Don't leave me
by labella yuki
Summary: things going well between the egoist couple, or atleast that's what Nowaki thinks. Nowaki gets drunk and does the unthinkable. (i'm sorry my sumary is so bad)


Notes: First of all I do not own Junjou Romantica (meaning Egoist as well) all rights belong to the writer Shungiku Nakamura

Then second:

**VERY IMPORTANT: **I am NOT English. I'm from Europe. Adding to that, that I'm dyslexic. I often start a sentence, then half way the sentence I start writing something completely different making no sense at all in the end. This is because my mind thinks faster then I can write. The other thing i tend to do often is chance the time in a story. I quickly lose track of whether I'm writing present time, or past time (has-is and had-was). So yeah there is a 99% chance that I made countless mistakes in one sentence alone. Resulting in many mistakes in my writing. If you see them, I welcome the grammar Nazi's, but please if you can also give an explanation for my mistake or I will never learn.

"don't leave me."

those words used to be from love and bring only love. Hiroki had heard Nowaki say them once, and only once, before. out of love and fear of losing that love. Nowaki had caught Miyagi, the old professor and colluage of Hiroki, hugging his beloved and caressing him. Hiro-san had told Nowaki many times that it was nothing and that there was nothing besides a work relationship between them. in fact Miyagi had been hanging, not hugging, on Hiroki and complaining about a terrorist living in his house, who besides being a terrorist still was the cutest he has ever seen. the caressing was a slight brush of their skin, neither had even noticed it, but Nowaki took it to the heart. now Hiroki is paying for this playful incident.

"say it! say that you won't leave me."

Nowaki hovers above Hiroki. his tall figure surpressing the small figure of Hiroki and his strenght holding down Hiro's wrists with one arm alone. Hiroki is scared. he knows Nowaki is strong, he punched Miyagi and send him flying against the wall once, also on their passionet nights Nowaki can hold all of Hiroki without any trouble. that's why being his enemy everyone should fear him, if you don't, then you're a fool. apperantly Hiroki's silent thinking of fearful memories took a bit too long for Nowaki.

"Hiro-san, please just say it!"

*bam*

Nowaki's bear fist stomps in Hiroki's side. full strenght, luckily no broken ribs, yet. Hiroki swifts in pain beneath Nowaki, but his long legs imprision Hiroki's hips, preventing him from running away. impatient.

*bam*

another hit, this time in his stomache. Hiroki gasps for air and hisses to try and relieve pain. not wanting another blow, Hiroki slowly opens his mouth.

"I won't" he whispers, "leave... you"

he manges to say muttering the last two words, speaking the them in between his heavy breathing. a forcefull and quick kiss is placed on Hiroki's lips, as his lover reassured rolls of Hiroki next to him on the bed. like a sign of sealing something, anything, whatever it was, the kiss sealed it.

Hiroki, whom on his turn cluthes is abdomen in his arms, shrinks from pain. He is relieved Nowaki quickly falls asleep. Hiroki, himself however, will spend the night sleepless. afraid of any new beating to possibly happen, he gets out of bed and leaves the room to go to the kitchen. a nice red with white striped towl is the first Hiroki finds. he wets it and then starts to tread his bruises the best he can. he is no docter like is amazing boyfriend, nor did he pay much attention to instructions for first aid kit use, so he doesn't know what to do.

once, and only once, did Hiro-san hear the words;"don't leave me." with passion behind them. the event of five minutes ago, was the seventh time he heard it demanding and pleading from his lovers mouth. However this time without the pleading and much more force. as it was the seventh beating he'd received, Hiroki's first bruises were nearly gone, if Nowaki hadn't hit him around the same spot leaving a new bruise. it started a week after the incident with the professor hugging hiro-san. Nowaki had been a bit down because Hiroki was never passionet, so why be like that with a co-worker. his so ever kind senpai took him out for drinking. just a beer or two. only a few drinks was the plan, but things seldom go as planned. they had a drink, and some more and some more. and later on some more.

Hiroki, who knew nothing of his lovers whereabouts, waited paitently in the kitchen. in the exact chair he is sitting now. He had tried his cell many times. He called the hospital and even some of his co-workers, it was troublesome to lie and explain that he was Nowaki's roommate. It was even worse to hear the girls ask questions about any relationships Nowaki had.

"is he single?"he had heard that at least ten times.

when he nearly dialed number of the police station to report Nowaki missing, the door opened. Nowaki completly wasted stumbled in. Hiroki rushed over to help him up.

After a struggle Nowaki was finally seated and Hiroki rushed to get some water. he wanted to clear nowaki's head a bit before unleashing his leachter, however he never came to that. the alchol gave Nowaki a boost, giving the courage to pour out his feelings and throwing them on his lover.

when hiroki wanted to give the water, Nowaki grabbed Hiroki's hand and pushed him, without any care for wounds or pain, down on the ground. the water spilling over the floor and the glass breaking. "uwhaaa...Nowaki you brat. What do you think you're doing." Hiroki growled. "you're not getting off that easily." is what Hiroki wanted to say, however he was cut off before he was able to utter even another sound. Nowaki held his wrists in one of his large hand, pinning them down above Hiroki's head. he let out the first storm of blows, hitting his lover in the abdomen, chest and ribs. thightning his grip around the wirsts of the proffesor.

"don't ever leave me." Nowaki yelled.

Hiro-san, filled with fear, was completly frozen and didn't make a sound. the free hand of the docter rose up and came down, slamming across Hiroki's face.

"promise. promise me!" the man demanded.

Baffled, and not sure what else to do, he quickly answered his lovers demanding. the smaller man made himself even smaller, and anwsering in a small voice. "i... p-promise."

for that moment it was enough, but from then on Hiroki had to say his promise over and over again.

acing with pain, Hiroki had gotten up to clean up the broken glass. after that he wiped up the water. too bad it didn't go without occasionally cutting himself on a forgotten piece of glass. not that the beaten up man noticed any of that. his eyes where full with tears. like they are now the previous event had only taken place two days ago, so the bruising from the beat up are still visible. looking at his hands Hiroki sees the bruising on his wrist, those won't go away quickly. especially if Nowaki grabs his wrists every single time, then the bruising won't have time to heal properly. Unlike the fists, which landed in various place on his body, is wrists were always grabbed and bruised form the struggling.

'these might become permanent' Hiroki thought.

tired and above all scared, a trembling Hiroki goes to sleep on the couch. he has big worries, because he doesn't tell his boyfriend about his recent behavior when drunk. nor does He intend to enlighten the man about it. it seemed that Nowaki has no memory of the things he does. Hiro-san doesn't want to stress his lover with his shocking news, besides who is Nowaki going to believe? his unable to trust and arrogant lover or his own memory. The story sounds ridicules so nobody would ever believe that, the sweet loving, Nowaki would hit someone. it would only seem like an act of wanting attention, something desperate. and Hiroki knew that he himself is to blame for all of this. so this lovely weekend they are going to spend together will consist out of hiding his bruises from Nowaki and avoiding him, but at the same time being close and affectionet to prevent another beating for being unfaithful and selfish. while Hiroki starts to belittle himself, with chain thoughts of self hatred, and blame himself, for things that are not his fault, he slowly falls asleep.

the next morning Hiroki wakes up from a chill shivering through his spine. he opens his eyes remembering the place he fell asleep. he gets up and now notices that he his only wearing a shirt with short sleeves and trousers that reach to his knees. this completly shows all his small and simple bruises from his small resistance against Nowaki. luckily the big damage is hidden under his shirt.

stumbling from the bedroom alerts that Nowaki is up. in panic the 29 year old proffesor runs and quickely locks himself in the bathroom.

"Hiro-san?" Nowaki knocks on the door while speaking in his curious voice.

"Hiro-san, if your done can I use the bathroom. Unless you want to take a bath together" Nowaki chuckles

"What do you want for breakfast?" he yells while heading towards the kitchen. Knowing his cute Hiro-san would never bath with him.

Inside the bathroom Hiroki is trembling behind the door. 'Nowaki nearly found out, Nowaki nearly found out.' Is all that goes through his mind. Not to mention Nowaki wants to bath together. His head hurting from confusion and possibilities Hiroki is unable to answer Nowaki's questions.

He splashes some water in his face to wake up and then he listens. He listens to make sure Nowaki is busy cooking. He opens the bathroom door and quickly gets to the other side of the hallway, there he slips into their bedroom. Grabbing his clothes form the ground, he starts to put on his shirt. But when he wants to put on his pants, Hiroki can hear footsteps. They're coming closer and closer quickly.

"Hiro-san, I didn't know what you want. So I just made you some eggs." The giant opens the door to see Hiroki sitting on the bed, wearing the same shirt as yesterday. Long shirt in a dark color. Actually the shirt is too big for Hiroki, but he still keeps it and lately he's been wearing it a lot.

'For the rest he is not wearing any pants, he just threw over the sheets, why would he do that?' Nowaki thought as he examined his lover sitting on the bed.

"t-t-that is, uh, fine. Thank you" he stumbles over his words. Normally he wouldn't, but he is kind of trembling with a mixture of adrenaline, shock and uneasiness.

Nowaki notices. "Hiro-san, are you alright?"

"uh? Ah I'm, I'm fine. Why would you ask that, Nowaki? Haha" he tries to laugh it off. hoping his lover won't notice anything, but of course that is wishful thinking.

"well, you don't look like it?" he remarks. He walks over to his beloved, while his beloved quickly tries to come up with something to get him to leave the room.

"a... I'm just a bit cold, when people are cold they shiver right?" Hiroki remembered trembling against the warm and big body of his lover.

It was winter and Nowaki was out working late, while Hiroki laid shivering in their shared bed. Waiting for him to come home. By the time the giant finally came home, Hiroki was cold to the bone. He had never been so happy to see his lover, although he would never admit it. Nowaki thought he was so adorable laying against him just to get warm. Back then he had stuttered and trembled over his own words, and cursed himself for being unable to speak. Nowaki had just laughed it off by saying it was because of the cold. Giving Hiroki an excuse to be cute in front of him. Those were great and happy times.

Now was different. Hiroki had told Nowaki he was cold, of course his lover would do like he normally did. He would walk over and hug Hiroki, tightly. He would hold even after Hiroki had been warmed up. So now he did the same.

"got it." He said and with that he pulls Hiro-san into his strong arms and hugs him.

Leaving Hiroki to let out a startled sound form shock, and a strangled cry from pain.

It hurts so much just the arms around him, putting even the slightest pressure on his bruised body was terrible. And now the same strong arms that gave those bruises are hurting him again.

Hiroki feels a tickle in the back of his throat. As if something wants to come out. So he coughs. Wrong decision. The coughing hurts. It hurts so bad that he swallows and then chokes, after he continues to cough.

When things just couldn't get worse, they did. He coughs blood. He presumes the blood is from his mouth. Probably cut his lip or bite his tongue.

"Hiro-san..? are you alright?" Nowaki asks. Holding his coughing boyfriend in his arms. Though he loosened his grip. "Hiro-san," he asks again. He lets go and looks at the smaller man "HIRO-SAN!" he yells

Hiroki looks up at the shouting of his name. tears fill his eyes and he can only see a blurry image. He feels warmth and wetness dripping over his lips past his chin. He bleeding, just how long has he been bleeding?

That is the last thing he can remember before the blackness takes a hold of him. And he passes out.

When opening his eyes, an unfamiliar ceiling is the only thing his eyes can see. He turns his head to noises coming from somewhere in the room. Everything aces.

"he has two broken ribs, internal damage and multiple bruises." A older man's voice sounds. Hiroki can't place a name or face with the voice. He doesn't recognize it at all.

"how?... I, I just want to know how? How is this possible!?" a second voice shouts. Nowaki. That is definitely Nowaki. He shouting franticly all random things. Just as if he is losing it. Why?

'I don't dare to guess, but probably because of me.' Hiroki thinks. His head stops turning as he finally gives himself the view he wants to see.

"all I can say is that, all his wounds are consistent with those of a beating, now if you please excuse me. I have another patient to check up on." the voice belongs to an older man, wearing a long white coat. A doctor.

"but how? How is that possible!?" Nowaki is nearly ripping the man's shirt.

"sir, I really don't know. Why don't you ask the patient himself, he seems to have regained consciousness" the man points at Hiroki, who lays on the hospital bed. Clearly annoyed he escapes Nowaki's clutches and leaves the room.

Silence. Nowaki can only stare at the fragile man, laying in pain on the bed. He doesn't understand. Why? Why? Why is this happening? But what's really important to him are the words 'beating'. Who? Who is the fool that dared to hurt his Hiro-san.

"Hiro-san..." he speaks.

He slowly walks over to his lover's bedside. Hiroki doesn't answer him.

"who did this?" he ask, but still Hiroki doesn't answer. "Hiro-san, tell me who did this." He asks again. This time a bit stern, however without losing that calming and soft touch to his voice.

Tears dwell up in his eyes again, but this time not from pain. Hiroki keeps his mouth shut.

"don't be afraid. Just tell me, please?" Nowaki pleads, but still no answer from Hiroki. Only tears.

The following days went by fast, one could say, but for others it were long days with no end to them. Hiroki ended up staying at the hospital for another five days, since he coughed blood. It took them three days to find the source of his internal bleeding. When found the managed to stop the bleeding without problems. Some big luck they had, that everything went so smooth. Except for the pain. The bruising are minor facts to the whole situation, sure they hurt, but they would heal on their own. His broken ribs however, he would have to rest for 6-7 weeks.

Nowaki was thrilled that Hiroki was finally released from the hospital. He had drowned himself in work, which didn't help much since he worked in the hospital where Hiroki laid. His daily schedule was eating, working, visiting Hiro-san and then going home to eat and sleep. Sometimes he would sleep at the hospital when he had one of the nightshifts. He'd swing past Hiroki's room to sleep. Often an angry nurse had send him away.

Hiroki and Nowaki talked. They talked like they always would, but Nowaki noticed that Hiro-san held back in their conversations. As if he was afraid to say something wrong. Nobody would have really noticed it, but Nowaki had been living with Hiroki for the past years, and in these five days Hiroki hadn't hit him or thrown anything at him. No matter what he said.

When Nowaki asked again, for Hiroki to name the person who had done this to him. He kept quiet. He didn't even utter a sound. And it would take him at least an hour to speak to Nowaki again.

It was going to be hard, taking care of Hiroki, since he had to rest and wasn't allowed, nor could he, do anything. And at the same time working shifts at the hospital. So Nowaki had pushed his way to get three free days in a row. Along with a lot of favors he owed.

"Hiro-san are you comfortable?" Nowaki had placed Hiroki on the couch. He went to get one of his books, so the man wouldn't be bored. When he came back Hiroki was sitting silently on the couch looking outside. He had become more and more to himself. He held in, all the time, with everything. Nowaki misses his fierce spirit and yelling, his lively shouting's and cute hitting. A giant is a giant, n not easy to take down, so whenever Hiroki hit him, it didn't even hurt. Not like he is ever going to tell the man that.

Holding up the book the book Nowaki approached. "Hiro-san..." Nowaki started, but as soon as he called out his lover's name. the man had turned around. He had eyes that screamed fear. He hid his face behind his arms and made himself small. There he sat trembling.

"I-I-won't... I won't leave you" he mutters "I promise I won't leave." Cries softly.

Dropping the book, Nowaki looks shocked at his lover. He is scared. He is scared to be hit. He is scared to leave, but above all

he is scared of him.

It doesn't take a genius to understand why a beat up man would be afraid of one man. If that man is the person who beat you up it is more then logical.

Defeated, by himself, he falls to his knees. Right next to the book he dropped. He did it. He caused those injuries. He did what he never dreamed he would do. He hurt the one he loved, the one he treasured.

Carefully and softly he grabs one of Hiroki's trembling arms. With a bit of shock Hiroki lifts up his head. His brown eyes big out of fear. He quickly looks down again. Nowaki takes a look at one of the most fresh bruises and he holds his hand next to it. A match. You don't need a doctor to see that (or maybe you do, but Nowaki is a doctor.)

"I... I did this?" he asks in a soft voice full of regret and shame of the horrible things he did.

Hiroki dares to look Nowaki in the eye another time.

"why.. did I do these things to you?" he asks in a shaking voice, afraid of the answer. An answer he demands

And Hiroki complies. "you were drunk" soft and quickly were those words said, but in the apartment is absolute silence so it sounds as if they're shouting and screaming, making them to lower their voices even more.

It pains Nowaki, that the person he hurt, tries to brush of his behavior. 'you were drunk' that doesn't matter, or maybe it does, but it comes in on a second place. It is no excuse, the truth is he did it. He beat up Hiroki, numbers of times. He did it. because he couldn't keep a hold of himself.

Tears start to uncontrollably role of his cheeks. Why is he crying, he shouldn't be crying. Hiroki is allowed to cry, to cry in pain, but him. What is so sad about him?

"I am sorry" he says.

"I am so, so sorry." He says again. No longer in a whispering voice. No everybody should hear this. They should hear his apology and he needs to say it until the entire world has heard them.

His shoulders shaking, and tears, no rivers, falling from his eyes. He sits at the feet of his lover and places his head of the man's knees.

"I am so, so sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I cannot say how sorry I am." He continues to say. He pleads for Hiroki to hears his apology. Knowing that forgiveness is something he can't even dream of.

A man who had nothing should know, that when you have something, you should keep it and not break it. You should take care of it, of them, and love them. Not hurt them.

Understanding well that right now isn't the time to be a dead plant, Hiroki knows the two of them need to help. And perhaps the best thing is to help each other. Nowaki should love him and show him, not fear, but kindness and love. and he should love Nowaki show him, not hatred, but forgiveness and love. Nowaki had to make Hiroki trust him again and Hiroki had to show his trust. They must help each other.

He lifts his hand up and places it on the head of the sobbing man, who keeps apologizing over and over again, sinking into the ground with regret.

"it's alright, Nowaki" he says. The dark haired man looks up. As if looking up at an angel he sees tears welling up in his eyes, but a honest smile on his lips and soft brown eyes.

"It's alright. Just protect me from now on Nowaki." He says

Sobbing he tries to look determined. "yes, I will."


End file.
